Happy “Jellying” part 1...
This one ideally requires a huge deal of context. The reason will become apparent as you read on - and is driven by a desire to preserve a smidgen of the authors’ integrity.
At times it may even feel like there is more contextualizing than story narration. This is not ideal, but such is the delicacy of the “thin line” in this story that context will almost be forced down the readers’ throat.
Here we go;
I enjoy a good massage as much as the next man. It is one of those things that comes into vogue with me. For a while I go regularly and get accustomed to the benefits. Inevitably I then forget to book one day and then have no massages for a while until I randomly recall the benefits and then restart the regular treatment.
Some of the highlights for the purposes of this blog:
1. The physic physician
The man with an unholy knack of knowing exactly where to press to elicit the loudest howl of pain. He has an affinity for pain divination!
He is one of the best; I and all his other clients would walk taller as a result of being manipulated by his magic like skills. The hurdle being the pain one had to endure to get there.
We kind of made it into a game – testing the pain threshold I could be pushed before tapping, or rather blacking, out. Each session trying to push past the limit reached at the previous.
It should be noted that the ‘game’ was unspoken of. In fact, thinking about it now, it may have been taking place just in my head with the physician unaware and simply carrying out his professional duties.
Invariably a typical session would go something like this:
Physic Physician: “I see some tightness in your lower back.”
Mr TaT: “Oh, yes, I felt a tinge last week. That may be it.”
In all honesty on this occasion I could not twist my back to the left and it hurt when I slept. But damned if I was going to let him know a weakness that easy!
Physic Physician: “Okay, do you feel anything here?” He said whilst prodding and massaging the spot.
Mr TaT: “Ummm, yes. A slight sensation, yes.”
There was now a throbbing pain and my lord did it hurt.
Physic Physician: “I see. How about this…”
Mr TaT: “Ah, yes. Its getting warmer. Yes.”
Pain like you would not believe. Tears starting to well up in my eyes and white stars beginning to blur my vision.
Physic Physician: “Hmmm. Okay and this…”
Leaping off the massage mat…
Mr TaT: “Mother of God! You devil man you! What are you?!” The pain so excruciating that I was compelled to evade his hands.
Physic Physician: “TaT; can you now look over your left shoulder?”
A bit calmer, I flexed my back and darn it, he had done it again…
Mr TaT: “Yes, yes I can….sorry about the unholy reference fella.”
The man was a sorcerer I tell you!
2. The Ayurvedic
The practice of deep massaging whilst the client is made to lay on a table of solid wood. Being plied with spice and herb infused oils one is left smelling like a walking curry.
The challenge here was one of costume. You see, it was deemed key for the masseuse to be able to get into each nook and cranny of the human anatomy. All perfectly logical until you are standing in front of the table and get handed what appears to be a hair net.
Confused and wondering why I had to contain my hair as no food was being produced; I proceeded to put the net atop my head.
Ayurvedic Man: “No sir, that is not meant for your head.”
Mr TaT: “Ummm, oh is it a scrub mitt?”
Ayurvedic Man: “Sorry sir, I no understand. What is mitt?”
Mr TaT: “You know, to exfoliate.”
Ayurvedic Man: “Ah yes, I understand now. No.”
Mr TaT: “No?”
Ayurvedic Man: “Yes, no. That is for your you know.” Pointing to the jewels.
Mr TaT: “Oh I see, oh I SEE!”
Suffice to say; tangerines in a net came to mind. Please do not let this put you off though. This technique is brilliant, and I would thoroughly recommend Ayurvedic massage - as long as you can tolerate the whole net thing.
Now that you have been warmed to the concept, the third and final highlight will be added next week…