Steps to learn any new habit… — Talks and Thoughts

I have attempted many “new me” habit changes….and failed after a splutter. Finding them too difficult to proceed or life getting in the way, the new stuff gathers dust, both metaphorical (in the case of being more happy) and literal (in the case of the new keyboard). Repeated time and again with some common foibles:

a) Saying that I can’t do something, having never really started to do the ‘something’, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy and labelled as impossible.

b) Going too large too soon, starting with guns blazing and rapidly finding the pace unsustainable and giving up. Case in point: when I set off too fast and nearly passed out trying to keep up with other more seasoned runners – a story for another time.

c) Not being honest with myself, leading to unrealistic next steps and progress.

d) Not valuing the power of continual momentum by building slowly and instead giving up when the progress feels too slow.

e) Doing 2 days and telling the world I am a new man! Setting myself up for high expectations that no one could hope to achieve right off the bat

These mindsets generate excellent starts, followed by crash landings as I stumble and fall. It got me thinking about a few concepts that all would think are common sense but few rarely put into practice. Instead of repeating the glorious start / inglorious quitting cycle, I suggest trying out these steps:

1) Think of a goal you have wanted to achieve – it can be anything

2) What one thing could you do each day this week to help achieve the goal *(see caveat below)

3) Write down the one thing and put 7 empty boxes next to it

4) Each day you achieve, put a tick in the box

5) On Day 7 you will then tweak the activity for the following week as follows:

a. If less than 3 boxes have been ticked, then reduce the activity

b. If between 4 and 6 boxes have been ticked, then repeat the same for the following week

c. If 7 boxes have been ticked, then increase activity level

6) Then repeat, repeat and repeat these steps until you have got to the level you wanted.

Simples!

Caveat:

* In step 2, once you have something in mind, be honest whether you can see yourself doing it for 7 days. If the answer is no, simply tweak the activity to a level that you can commit to.

This can work for virtually anything that you want to develop a skill in. I have seen it work for exercise, yoga, reading, meditation, cooking and even relationship building…although I wouldn’t shout about fixing a couple with 7 days of tick boxes!

It may be helpful to think of a useful metaphor:

Q: How do you eat an elephant?

A: One bite at a time and keep going until its gone…

I am not suggesting you go out and eat majestic Dumbo, but if you want to get better at something, whatever it may be, see it as an elephant. Your task is to bite chunks out and not stop until you achieve the goal. Key thing being small enough, sustainable steps until you finish.

So all you have to do is pick your goal, write down what you will do towards it for the next 7 days and then do it. At the end of the week, see how you did and adjust the level for next week. That is it!

There will be times when it will feel like a struggle, this is cool and part of the journey. You have other things in your life going on - try your best and then assess at the end of the week. Make tweaks and changes to ensure that the next week is stronger than the last and then set off again and do your best. It may well be that a few steps backwards are required before then going forward. This is okay and understandable and it will be okay over the long term. Trust me!

Heck, Craig David met a girl on Monday and they were Netflix and chilling by Sunday! Surely you can try this for 7 days…