The Inner Cruise — Talks and Thoughts

You know those moments when you have an out of body experience, and, can see yourself doing something you immediately regret? Something so regretful that when looking back, even you would question what the F you were doing. Well, this is one of those stories. A story where I channelled what can only be described as a “Top Gun moment”. And, worst of all, I got clocked doing said “Top Gun moment” trying to make a first (and last) impression on a poor unsuspecting girl.

To set the context; this was in the days before Tinder. It was basically the wild west; a time where, if you liked someone you had to actually make a connect in person – imagine that! So yes, if you wanted to start mingling with someone, you had to walk up to them and exchange enough basic info that they would want to spend more time with you. Contrast that with the modern world where all you have to do is swipe right and you are bumping delicates.

Disclosure - this is not a happily ever after kind of story. It is more how a real guy learned what not to do when trying to look attractive! It took place on a Friday lunch time - and that always meant team afternoon at the local pub. This Friday was extra special – we had just finished a big project and the head honcho with us or as we called him: Big Boss.

So there I was, sitting at the table, only to find a nice looking girl glancing at me across the room. She was with her work team and we kind of shared a look to say “nice, you’re on work lunch too”. (For those that don’t know - It’s a known look, and if you don’t know, it’s because you aren’t cool! It’s a look okay?!) Anyway, I kept the conversation going with my lot whilst making sure no one saw me romancing – they would not have let me live it down!

Feeling well chuffed with myself; burger, chips, keeping the conversation going with the Big Boss AND getting my flirty flirt on with the hot girl across the room. I was on top of the world! Oh how that can change…in a moment!

She was excusing herself to go to the ladies. This meant she had to walk past my table. This was my chance to make an impression. Unfortunately, as you are about to read, it was not quite the impression I was hoping for. As she walked towards me, we both kept eye contact. It was at this precise moment that things slowed down. Que bullet time…

I leaned back on the rear two legs of my chair – to this day I am not sure why, but I think I thought it looked good.

She was still smiling. I can only imagine I too was smiling - probably like some kind of deranged Cheshire Cat.

Still smiling and getting closer. This was it…oh crap, what was I supposed to do? It was then that I handed over the reins to something that was until this second hidden deep within. It was the inner Tom Cruise. in particular, the Tom Cruise from Top Gun. Yes, I went from geeky office guy to an uber confident caricature of an already confident US Air Force pilot.

I saw my right arm start to raise - oh god, was I going to wave at her?

I looked over. Unbelievably, she too started to raise her hand. Somehow I was pulling this off…she was going to wave back. I was the man!

Jeez, if only I had known it could be this easy, I would have channelled the inner Tom ages ago. Unfortunately, this thinking was cut short. My hand was now at head level, hers too. I then proceeded to fold my thumb and the last two fingers, leaving only my first two extended.

She looked confused - I too wondered what I was doing.

I then went full TOM. I moved the two fingers towards my head and gave her a “how you doin?” salute. Finishing with my arm semi extended in her direction. You know that sound in movies, where it’s like the music player suddenly jolts to a stop - imagine that.

As I finished my “move”, I died a little inside - What a dick!

Whilst I executed the piece de resistance of a move, she went through a combo of her own:

a) Changing a beaming smile to aghast eye popping shock

b) Freezing her hand mid wave and instead scratching her head

c) Suddenly doing a 90 degree right turn. In fact, the turn was so tight and sharp that Michael Keatens’ Batmobile would be proud! (Late 80s film reference – good film, go watch it).

Suffice to say we never exchanged “looks” ever again! I was gutted. But, at least there was one saving grace. I managed to not display my stupidity to anyone else on the table.

By the weekend, I had forgotten all about it - an experience chalked up to history that may someday be documented in a blog (having no idea what a blog was back then). Fast track to Monday morning, and, as I was getting to my desk something weird was happening. Some of the team were smiling in my direction and giggling.

“Hey Mav, did you have a good weekend?” Chirped one of my colleagues.

“Yeah, Mav, was it clear skies…?” Chimed in another.

“Mav? What’s that all about?” I was confused what all this Mav crap was about.

“As in Maverick dude! How was your weekend?”

Maverick - why were they calling me that? Must be something good as the whole team were in on it...oh no - the morning caffeine was kicking in - oh no, oh no, oh no! They knew, but how? Did the girl tell someone? No, she didn’t know anyone in my group. But how could they know....

I turned the corner to my desk, there it was - a picture stuck to my monitor. It was Tom Cruise in full Top Gun garb doing the two finger gun salute. With a little inscription reading; “Someone is always watching Mav”, signed…The Big Boss. Suffice to say I didnt live that one down for ages. Anytime I ended a presentation or meeting, there was always at least one punk that would stand up and do the salute!

Some lessons

1) Doing the Top Gun salute should not EVER be used to woo someone. Further, it is the author’s opinion that it only be used in an ironic tongue in cheek context.

2) Harnessing the inner Tom can be a power play – but you have to know your limit.

3) Lastly, someone is always watching. If it is something you aren’t proud of, the more likely it will come back and bite you in the arse.