Sh*t Happens...
Working in construction will have you seeing stuff you would never see in the office. After a decade of office work I moved into construction. There is, of course, a lot of differences. The one I most missed was the undo function. In the real world stuff cannot be so easily reversed. In the office I could confidently go and do something unfamiliar, safe in the knowledge that if I messed up, a quick undo would right the world. With construction, on the other hand, if you messed up it would be a messy course correct.
For all the differences, I did find one constant; how management worked. A vivid example follows below.
The Story
Returning from lunch I noticed water dripping from one of the flats upstairs. No one was meant to be upstairs except Dave the decorator, but he was downstairs having a coffee break.
Me: “Is there anyone upstairs?”
Dave: “No, why?”
Me: “I think someone may have sneaked past!”
There had been a few local break ins locally and I was worried about the finished flats. Dave seemed to be even more concerned and shot past me upstairs. It was admirable!
Dave: “Thank god it’s still here!”
Me: “What happened?!” He stopped mid-way having found what he was running for – a second hand battered phone that played the radio during football. I was having palpitations thinking what or who was waiting for me upstairs and here was Dave, relived to find his bit of tattered plastic. So much for admirability, everyone looks out for their own!
I ran past Dave and found a locked door. I knocked hard and heard something. I knocked again, shuffling.
Me: “Hello?”
Voice: “Hello?” A familiar yet un-placeable voice answered.
Me: “Who’s that?!”
Voice: “Errr, its Luke.” It was the lead electrician.
Me: “You idiot, what the heck you doing in the toilet!”
Luke: “Well, it’s the toilet so have a guess.” He was being clever whilst caught with his trousers down!
Me: “You ain’t supposed to be up here man, we just had the flats prepped.”
Luke: “It’s alright, the plumber said I could.”
Me: “Of course he did, he ain’t paying for the dam cleaners!”
Luke: “Yeah yeah, see you later, I have to catch up on the sports.” He was not only christening my brand new flat but was reading the afternoon paper on company time!
I went downstairs happy nothing was damaged. Yet, there was something nagging me, something I was forgetting.
Dave: “Good thing it was only Luke!”
Me: “Yeah the plonker had me going.”
Dave: “How did you know he was upstairs?”
Me: “Nah, it was the leaking…oh crap!” I legged it outside and called Luke on the phone. I heard the flush just as he picked up and I turned the corner. The plumbers would be proud, there was nothing wrong with the water pressure! I looked up and saw “material” that had formerly been Luke now being expelled with some force out of the pipe – it must have travelled some 8 feet!
No amount of years in the office prepares you for seeing human excrement (or any other kind for that matter) ejected into the air. I was simultaneously sick, fascinated and mesmerizingly revolted. Something I hope to not ever relive!
Dave nearly pissed himself laughing, words had escaped me and one of the lads nearly swallowed his cigarette in disbelief!
Luke: “Hello?” Luke was still on the phone.
Me: “You have just shat all over my car park!”
Luke: “What? How? What?”
Me: “You have JUST shat all over my car park! Look out the window.”
Suffice to say I was not less angry when I saw Luke bent double in the upstairs window and heard him howling with laughter down the phone!
Me: “Clean…it…up!” There was not much that I get angry at, but even Buddha would struggle at someone poo bombing his car park.
Luke: “Jeez Harj, lighten up. Yeah, will get it cleaned.” He hung up the phone still laughing. We could see him, teeth smiling and taking pictures with his phone. One word - idiot!
This brings me on to the crux of the story. For it is here that the similarities between office and building worlds merge. Up until this moment, I can safely say that I would never have expected to see what I had just seen in the office. But the next part…
Being the sparky boss, Luke was in a position of management, this meant he had people working under him, this meant that Luke was able to order one of his underlings to come out and remove the substance formerly Luke. This, I experienced in the office, management never cleaning their own crap. It’s an - yet to be proved - almost universal truth!
TAKEAWAYS:
1) As Dave demonstrated with the phone. Value and importance is relative and usually not consistent between people.
2) The higher ups always get the lower downs to clean their mess.
3) Sometimes, no matter what you plan, it will be the un-plumbed toilet that gets used…and, as they say, shit happens!